M6 v Kettering M2 (A) 26 March 2022 - Match Report

Kettering M2s 2 : CCHC M6s 2

Goalscorers: Tim Ireland, Geoff Gibbs

There once was a team called the Mens 6

Well known for their speed and modern sticks

This year they were able

To end third in the league table!

Not bad for an average age of 56!

Some of the above may be interpreted as poetic license - but we did finish third, taking the glory whilst narrowly avoiding promotion and having to face the 5s next season!  And the average age probably is about 56 - with a smattering of early teenagers balancing the old guard of over 60s and 65s…: some of whom we are proud to say are now in national squads!

What a season it’s been….. and with some actual hockey too!!

The final game of the season saw the M6 away to Kettering.  I don’t know about you but Kettering for me is forever associated with “It's a Knockout”.  For younger readers this is a bit like a cross between Mario Kart and Fortnite but in real life where teams from different regions competed in the 70s in weird obstacle races. For some reason the only team I can ever remember taking part in it is Kettering, but as a ten year old I had no idea where it was.

Anyway, it turns out to be near Wellingborough, sort of Northampton way. To our joy we discovered the pitch was flat (unlike its neighbour’s pitch) - or at least we assumed it was. We couldn’t actually see the pitch for the sand on top.  I think the recent Sahara dust rain may actually have come from Kettering not the Sahara - or maybe they got an extra load due to gravity. There is good reason to think this - more of which later. 

The team assembled - 12 plucky players - including some newish faces - Teddy, u14 and new to the squad, Harry, having a game off from the Vets to play with the Vets Vets, and Sam back from uni.

Stuart Rye was there too. Given he had also been selected for M5s, this was considered a wonderful example of quantum superposition where you appear in two different places at the same time. 

We were missing some players including Nigel Gadsby, and this season’s on pitch captain Stephen Graves. Tim Von Ireland, fresh from a 2am finish after an important business meeting, took time off from scrapping with Biggles’ Bandits to take on the captain’s mantle.  With Nigel absent, the silence was deafening and despite both Aldous’s best efforts Stuart was for some time at a loss as to which way to run or which man to mark. Absent too was Peter White’s hat - missed but not forgotten.  Hope simmered that it may yet return.  Some speculated that the hat’s waveform still remains in an uncollapsed state. Until it is resolved as lost or found, it will now be referred to as Peter’s Schrodinger’s Hat…..

So to the hockey….

It was a hot morning. The scorpions and lizards looked for shade amongst the dunes as the M6 strode out inspired by Von Ireland’s pre match briefing to enjoy it and keep the ball.  And by and large we did.

There was some lovely link play. City managed to find themselves largely keeping the ball and winning the turnover when Kettering had possession.  Early on though, Kettering managed some nice links of their own and scored as a result. Unbowed, City fought back.  A scramble on the edge of the home side's D led to a contested foot infringement.  As the opposition made their feelings known, Tim quickly took the free hit, moved the ball the requisite 5 and slipped into the D to slot it past the keeper.  The opposition immediately switched their complaints mid-stream, showing a deft verbal agility - now unhappy with how far Tim had gone before taking the ball into the D.  They clearly haven’t been paying attention in Advanced Physics.  Regular readers will know that time and space is all relative and at high speed time slows down. Tim’s lightning acceleration off the mark led to this time dilation which when combined with the gravitational extremes at Kettering led to time passing more slowly for him than the observers. So 5 metres travelled by his measure, to them seemed to them to be shorter. (Is this true? Answers on a postcard please)

In any case, a field goal was awarded and it was 1-1. 

James Webb - have you heard of him? This Nasa administrator oversaw the majority of the Apollo programme preparation and in recognition of his contribution the recent James Webb Space Telescope was named after him. This extraordinary piece of engineering, some parts of which were manufactured as far back as 2004 (before some of our players and the iPhone were born) has recently been launched into space to observe the far reaches of the universe. It will find the first galaxies that formed and peer through dusty clouds to see stars forming. It has been very expensive. And completely unnecessary. Because last Saturday at Kettering, we were able to peer through the dusty cloud of sand to the earliest moments and see a star forming in the shape of Geoff Gibbs as he launched himself to connect on the full toss with the ball after a lovely run in from Tom and smash it top bins, left hand side. The dust clouds settled and once again the contemporary Geoff stood before us. But it had been a treat to peek back in time and it was now 2-1!

Sadly for City, minutes before half time, there was a scramble in our D. Simon played with honour and Kettering took advantage to level the score.

The second half was much slower as both teams ran out of puff in the hot sun but maintained a cheeriness throughout. City survived 4 short corners in a row at the end to emerge with the score level. Both teams had enjoyed the game and despite missing some of the team stalwarts City held the team’s honour. 

Man of the Match went to Teddy - well deserved in his senior hockey debut. Tim congratulated the umpire on his performance and familiarity with General Relativity. 

We retired to the Kettering Sports Club bar for some tasty meat and pasta prepared by the home team. All I’ll say about this is that the bridge to the club looks like it was assembled by the Royal Engineers…. if you plan to visit, leave the Porsche at home and bring the Landy….

Thanks to Tim and Stephen, our skippers. Thanks to the regulars who turned up most weeks. Thanks to the youngsters for taking on the running for older legs - and to the parents for bringing them. Enjoy the summer and we’ll see you next year if not in the Summer Hockey league.